Saturday, 1 June 2013

Taking a bow....

The third and last part of my love story which you have all been asking me about and I honestly didn’t want to tell is, my second and last love, my confused childhood friend. For starters, we are no longer friends, we don’t speak to each other but live a stone throw distance away from each other. He is not to blame for this. I am, I made a choice to reconcile with my past by cutting it off. The bible says, if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off, I did just that.

Having stopped dancing, I felt lost, I needed to find something, someone to replace the dancing. I will be as honest as possible about my version of events. First, I went home, to brood near my mother, I did this for about three months, it felt comfortable, warm and lulling. I was at peace with myself, with the world and its occupants but the truth was my every other thing was at a standstill. So to get me started, I choose to go back to school to pursue further education. I choose to do some unheard of graduate course, armed conflict and peace studies. I have always wanted to be a mediator, so I did the basics of that at my bachelors, diplomacy. Then at graduate school, I thought how about I delve into the one thing that would lead to the need for mediation. 

I kept good grades, buried myself in books and choose to shut everyone out. I did not have any coffee dates, no lunch dates no dinners. It was me, my books and my house. I didn’t even make any friends at graduate school. I treated all of them from a distance, no one was allowed to know me. All they knew about my life was my name, not even the direction in which I lived. I was a loner who kept no company. I however  had two female friends who offered a pillar of support. Every once in a while when I needed to talk, they would offer me a listening ear, both are still my very good friends, those I have kept for years on end.

I lived in solitude for a good number of months but this changed when my childhood friend sent me a text message out of the blues. I did not even have his number and therefore responded to the text asking who that was. He called me hoping I could recognize his voice but no, feeling very disappointed, he had to introduce himself. We exchanged text messages and emails after  that, finally having lunch. At lunch, we had so much to talk about, childhood games we played together, the years we had been apart, the different areas we had visited together as children. That lunch dated wasn’t enough, so we moved our little talk to an evening joint and talked till late.

We had many of such both lunch, dinners , each of us living in denial about each other’s feelings. One day, at the bus park as he was seeing me off, he kissed me, and my legs pooped, just like those of a little girl. There under the umbrella right in the middle of town we stood, the time was still and the silence was loud, it was our special moment. What made it incredible was that he asked me first, and as I was still finding the words to answer me, he held my cheeks and kissed me ever so passionately. Ohhh Loving him was rare, as Taylor would say.

Loving him was like driving a new mossoreti down a dead end street. Faster than the wind, passionate as sin yet ending so suddenly. The few months we were together, I couldn’t even write, we were always together. Another thing you need to know is that for me to write, there has to be pin drop silence. We never had any of that unless we were both reading some different works of art that we would later discuss. As fast as he had come into my life, so did he leave because he was just too confused to make a choice, about what he wanted and who he wanted to be with. He couldn’t even decide whether he wanted a red shirt or a pink one in the morning as he would be getting ready for work. He was always attending to everyone’s business but his own.

For the lack of his two feet on the ground, we part company. When the time came for him to make a choice, he couldn’t decide and I was not going to sit around and wait for him to gamble .Besides I valued the friendship that had grown from childhood so much that I did not think that waiting for us to fall out and have a nasty exchange was a good idea. So I left silently with my dignity intact

I have nothing else to say about him, other than he set the standards way to high..he was truly a gentle man….while with him, I smiled and giggled a lot. He treated me like his most admirable jewel, guarded so closely, polished so often and placed on a pedestal for all to see.